For two women building a family together: who carries, reciprocal IVF, and legal parenthood for both of you. Start at the step you are on.
IUI · IVF · ICSI · Reciprocal IVF · Donor Sperm · Donor Eggs · Double Donation: treatment routes covered in this guide
The first decision is whether one of you will carry, both of you will carry (reciprocal IVF), or you'll take turns. The choice depends on fertility markers, physical health, how each of you feels about pregnancy, and practical factors such as work.
The partner who will carry (or both, if considering reciprocal IVF) should have a fertility MOT: AMH, AFC, and baseline bloods. This helps your clinic recommend IUI (simpler) or IVF (more effective). If egg quality turns out to be a problem, donor eggs and double donation are open to you as to any other patient.
Reciprocal IVF (also called ROPA, Reception of Oocytes from Partner) means one partner provides the eggs, those eggs are fertilised with donor sperm, and the resulting embryo is carried by the other partner. Ask clinics for an itemised quote, since it involves treatment for both of you. Legally, the partner who gives birth is the mother. Providing the eggs does not make the other partner a parent on its own; marriage, civil partnership or signed consent forms before treatment do.
UK law requires donors to be traceable: your child can request identifying information at 18. You can use donor sperm from an overseas bank, but a UK clinic will only accept donors who meet UK rules, including being identifiable to your child at 18. Ask your clinic which banks it works with.
Ask HFEA-licensed clinics about their experience with same-sex couples and reciprocal IVF, their waiting times, and whether both partners are included in consultations and monitoring. In 2022, 18% of single patients and 16% of female same-sex couples aged 18 to 39 had NHS funding for their first IVF cycle, against 52% of opposite-sex couples in the same age group (HFEA, Family Formations 2022). Check your own ICB or health board's policy before assuming you will pay privately.
For IUI, the carrying partner attends for insemination during ovulation. For IVF, stimulation injections begin around day 2 of the cycle. For reciprocal IVF, the egg-providing partner goes through stimulation and retrieval while the carrying partner takes hormones to prepare her uterus for transfer.
In the UK, if you conceive at an HFEA-licensed clinic, the non-carrying partner can be a legal parent from birth. If you are married or in a civil partnership at the time of treatment, she is the second legal parent automatically (unless she does not consent). If you are not married or civilly partnered, she can still become the second legal parent by signing the clinic's parenthood consent forms with you before treatment starts, under the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Act 2008. Ask your clinic for these forms early, and get legal advice if anything is unclear.
Pregnancy as a same-sex couple is medically the same as any other pregnancy. Expect other people's assumptions about who the mother is. The Donor Conception Network runs groups for two-mum families.
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Mental health: counselling and support during treatment.
Families who took this route, and what it was really like.
Real stories told elsewhere. The summaries are ours: follow the link to read each one in full.
March 2024
Emily Patrick and Kerry Osborn each carried a baby made from the other's egg, using simultaneous reciprocal IVF and a donor. They paid about £25,000 privately and hope to show others it is possible.
Read the full story(opens PinkNews in a new tab)January 2024
A Fife couple had twins after one partner conceived with donor sperm on her second IUI attempt.
Read the full story(opens The Courier in a new tab)A Colchester couple used a shared motherhood procedure where an embryo spent 18 hours in one partner's womb before moving to the other's. Their son was born in September.
Read the full story(opens The Gazette (Colchester) in a new tab)IUI vs IVF vs donor eggs: which is right for you?
The three main treatment routes (IUI, IVF and donor egg IVF) differ in success rates, cost and physical demands. The right starting point depends on the age and ovarian reserve of whoever provides the eggs, on whether the sperm is a partner's or a donor's, and, for two women, on whether one of you will carry an embryo made from the other's eggs (reciprocal IVF). This guide sets out the options in plain terms.
Read GuideHow to choose a sperm donor
Choosing a sperm donor is one of the most personal decisions in donor conception. This guide covers the legal framework in the UK, what information is available about donors, what vials cost, and how to approach the decision.
Read ChecklistQuestions to ask at your first consultation
A first fertility consultation is often 30 to 60 minutes and covers a lot of ground quickly. Going in with prepared questions means you leave with the information you need. This checklist covers what is worth asking; pick the questions that fit your situation.
Read ExplainerDonor conception and legal parenthood explained
This explainer covers the legal principles behind donor conception in the UK: who is a legal parent, what position the donor is in, what your child can find out and when, and what changes if you use a surrogate. It applies to solo parents, couples of any kind and two dads or solo dads.
Read GuideTalking to your child about donor conception
Children who learn about their donor conception early, from their parents, in age-appropriate language, do better than those who find out later or from someone else. This guide gives language and a framework for these conversations at different ages. It applies whether you are a solo parent, two mums, two dads using an egg donor and a surrogate, or a couple using donor sperm or eggs.
Read ExplainerUnderstanding HFEA success rates
The HFEA (Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority) publishes success rate data for every licensed UK fertility clinic. The numbers are often misread. This guide explains what the figures mean, how to compare them fairly, and what to ask when a clinic quotes you a headline success rate.
ReadFilter our comparison tool for donor sperm and IUI or IVF, then compare success rates for your age group alongside cost and waiting times. The tool does not flag reciprocal IVF; ask each clinic directly.
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