01Understand UK surrogacy law
In the UK, surrogacy is legal but commercial surrogacy is not. Surrogates can receive only reasonable expenses, typically £10,000 to £15,000 (HFEA). Brilliant Beginnings suggests an overall UK budget of £50,000 to £60,000 once IVF, donor eggs, screening and legal fees are included. The surrogate is the legal mother at birth, even if she has no genetic connection to the child. A parental order after birth makes you the legal parents: this is possible, but it often takes a long time and involves a court process. Reform proposed by the Law Commission in 2023 has been postponed; the current parental-order process applies.
02Find a surrogate
Many intended parents find a surrogate through a not-for-profit organisation such as Surrogacy UK, Brilliant Beginnings or My Surrogacy Journey. There are more intended parents than surrogates, so matching is not guaranteed and can take a long time. The matching process involves detailed conversations about expectations, values, and the type of ongoing relationship you want.
03Choose your egg donor
You'll need an egg donor. UK egg donation is altruistic and donor-conceived individuals have the right to identifying information at 18. UK egg banks are available. A UK clinic can also import eggs from an overseas bank, but only from donors who meet UK rules, including being identifiable to your child at 18. Ask your clinic to confirm this before you choose. Decide together which of you (or both, using two separate embryos) will provide the sperm for fertilisation.
04Get legal advice before treatment starts
Get advice from a specialist fertility or surrogacy solicitor before treatment starts. Many intended parents and surrogates write down what they have agreed (contact, expenses, difficult scenarios). This helps everyone, but UK surrogacy agreements are not legally enforceable.
05IVF at an HFEA-licensed clinic
The eggs are fertilised with one or both partners' sperm using IVF or ICSI. The resulting embryos are graded, and selected embryos are transferred to your surrogate. Many couples create multiple embryos to freeze, providing options for future pregnancies. Choose a clinic with experience in surrogacy arrangements.
06Support your surrogate through pregnancy
Your surrogate is carrying your child and her wellbeing directly affects the pregnancy. Most surrogacy arrangements involve regular contact and attending scans. Agree boundaries and expectations early, and revisit them as the pregnancy goes on.
07Birth and immediate legal steps
At birth, your surrogate is the legal mother. If she is married or in a civil partnership, her spouse is normally the second legal parent unless they did not consent, whatever your own relationship status. A parental order transfers legal parenthood to you. Apply within 6 months of the birth.
08Life as two dads
Research so far finds children in two-dad families do as well as others. The route is longer than most, and the conversations you have before and during it (with each other, your surrogate and your donor's clinic) are the ones your child will later ask about; our guide on talking to your child covers them.